Life is a series of decisions - forks in the road, if you will. At each juncture, we have the opportunity to go one way or the other, and the choice you make influences everything that happens subsequently. And, unfortunately, there is no "Undo" command for life. Once you make a decision, you've got to face the consequences.
Some of you may be old enough to remember the "Choose Your Own Adventure" books that were popular in the early 1980s. The concept went like this - if you want to make Choice A, turn to page 5, and if you want to make Choice B, turn to page 8. And from there, there were more and more choices to make. Depending on the series of choices you made, either you would successfully complete the adventure, or you would be in big trouble.
Sort of like life, isn't it?
For me, at least, this begs an important question: What if I had made a different choice?
What if I had decided to stay in New York with my father when my mother moved to Florida in 1980? Where would life have taken me then? Would I ever have met my wife, who was born and raised in Miami? (And, interestingly enough, my father and stepmother eventually relocated to Florida - 15 years after I did.)
What if I had decided to go to the University of Florida (which was my first choice) as a probationary student, rather than going to Florida State University (which wasn't) as a regular student? Would I have met Dick Dunham, the psychology professor at FSU who discovered me and started me on the path to my academic career?
What if I had decided to stay in Europe with my Italian girlfriend in 1992, instead of coming back to the States and finishing my bachelor's degree? Would I have ever finished school? Would I have met and married my wife - who is my soulmate? Or would I have stayed with someone who wasn't?
What if I had gone to the University of Guelph, in Ontario, for my Ph.D. instead of coming to Florida International University in Miami? Would I have met my wife, who just happened to be attending FIU at the same time I was? Would I have landed the academic job I have now, which is such a good fit for me? (And as it so happens, the professor who invited me to Guelph got sick with cancer and took an extended leave of absence - during the time I would have been there.)
What if I had forced my wife to move with me to Columbus, Ohio, in 2007 to take a job that was offered to me at Ohio State University? What would have happened to our marriage?
There are a number of schools of thought on this. Some people believe that God has a plan for each of us, and that we are guided toward some choices and away from others. I've always felt that way. But other people feel that we are solely responsible for our choices, and that where we have arrived now is no "better" or "worse" than where we would be had we made a different set of choices.
But all of this is the path not taken.
The next time you have an important life choice to make, be sure you won't be regretting five years later that you hadn't gone another way.
Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had stayed in New York in 1980, or gone to the University of Florida for my degree, or stayed in Europe with someone I now have not seen in nearly 16 years, or gone to Guelph for my Ph.D., or taken that job at Ohio State. But I don't regret not having done any of these things. I'm happy with my life now and with where it has taken me. Wondering and regretting are not the same thing.
What are your paths not taken? Do you ever wonder what would have happened if you'd taken one of those paths? Might you have a different partner, different children, a different job, or a different circle of friends? Might your whole life have been different?
If you believe as I do, after your body dies, in your life review you will have the opportunity to explore where each of these "paths not taken" would have taken you. Would you have been happy with that person you let go of? Would you have wanted to take that job with better pay but that would have required you to move away from everything (and everyone) you've ever known? Should you have approached that guy (or girl) years ago who seemed to be beckoning to you, but whom you were reluctant or afraid to approach?
So there is no reason to regret anything. In good time, you'll have a chance to see what you might have missed - and possibly what you should be happy you avoided.
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